Favorites » Her Blog
-
-
Survivor Signals
Exerpt from "Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) Author: Gavin De Becker
When someone ignores No, ask yourself: why is this person seeking to control me? What does he want? It is best to get away from the person altogether, but is that’s not practical, the response that serves safety is to dramatically raise your level of insistence, skipping right over politeness. “I said NO!”
When I encounter people hung up in the seeming rudeness of this response, I imagine the following conversation between a woman in an underground garage with her teenage daughter, and a man who has offered them assistance:
Woman: No thanks.
Man: But I’m just trying to be nice to a couple of pretty ladies.
Woman: We do not want your help. Leave us alone.
Man: What’s your problem, lady, are you paranoid or just a bitch?
Woman: You’re right. I shouldn’t be wary. I’m overreacting about nothing. I mean, just because a man makes an unsolicited and persistent approach in an underground parking lot in a society where crimes against women have risen four times faster than the general crime rate, and three out of four women will suffer a violent crime; and just because we have to consider where we park, where we walk, and whom we talk to in the context of whether someone will kill us or rape us or merely scare us half to death; and just because these are life-and-death issues most men know nothing about so that we’re made to feel foolish for being cautious even though we live at the center of a swirl of possible hazards, and just because I’m with my daughter and have a duty and a fervent desire to protect her as well as myself DOESN’T MEAN A WOMAN SHOULD BE WARY OF A STRANGER WHO IGNORES THE WORD NO.
Whether or not men can relate to it or believe it or accept it, that is the way it is. Women, particularly in big cities, live with a constant wariness, their safety literally on the line in ways men don’t experience. Ask some man you know, “when was the last time you took precaution for your own safety?” Most will not have an example in recent memory. Ask a woman the same question and most will say, “Last night,” “Today,” or even “Everyday.” Ask women for examples: “I had a friend walk me to my car last night,”; “I lock the door immediately when I get in the car”; “I always carry pepper spray”; “I drive instead of walk to the store”; “I give out a voice-mail phone number, not my home number”; “I carry my cell phone in my hand”; “I use a PO box so no one has my home address”; “I park in inconvenient spots if they are well lit.
|
Her Favorites
Add her as a friend >
MelGood's blog